Post Partum Syndrome...

I know I haven’t been active in my blog recently…. So, what’s going on with me? Simply put, I haven’t been quite right since I had Abby. Since I am going to be honest, I can say that I am pretty sure I have been dealing with postpartum depression... been very sensitive lately.

I usually don’t like admitting weakness…it makes me feel like I am a failure, but I have to own up to the fact that I am not in quite a good place right now. Some might be imagining me being down in the dumps crying and feeling totally depressed and wacked out. I’m not. The best way I can describe it is to say that I have no energy, no drive, no real connection to anything, and I seem to lack the will to just do anything about it…I can’t seem to pull myself out of the kind of fogginess I have been residing in for the past weeks to force myself to do anything…lord knows I have tried.

I have to wonder if I set myself up for this. You see, I arrogantly assumed that since I recovered quite well and easily from all my normal deliveries…. I would be fine this time around too. I should have realized that after having some issues in giving birth with her.. she was my 1st Caesarian and having a tubal ligation at the same time. For the first couple of weeks after having Abby I felt fine I guess, tired and weak from my bleed and stitches and my back being really strained but emotionally all I remember feeling was tired and pretty happy. After that I just seemed to slowly slide to the point where I am now…basically just sitting all the time ignoring the rest of the world, the exception being Abby, I am around her and holding her constantly…but I’ve been very impatient with the rest of my kids. that it is probably some kind of hormone thing…

Everyone expects me to be strong and happy and able to take care of myself…I’ve been doing it forever it seems, but right now I admit that I need a moral boost. Thank God, hubby and the kids has been very supportive to me.

I am behind on blogging and email…I am going to start trying to brag myself back into doing it but it will be a bit. I start taking something to balance me out so I can get myself back... blogging :-)  This is hard, I feel like I am trapped within myself…there is a part of me that keeps beating at me inside my head telling me to get going, get working, go outside, go shopping, do something; but the rest of me just waves it off and says “later”.

I’m going to try to keep the blog updated…I really do enjoy blogging. So, that’s where I’ve been…that’s what I have been dealing with and that is why I haven’t been around much or posting.